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Some background: I have been fit and lean my entire life - I've always been somewhat on the skinny side (currently 6'2", 145 lbs), played every sport imaginable throughout my childhood and adolescence, and currently run track at university. I've also always been attracted to larger women.
I recently broke up with a girl whom I had been dating since high school, the principle cause of this being the fact that I couldn't have sex with her, which, among other things, I attribute to this attraction. Before we broke up, she said that she thought I have an eating disorder. There is some truth to this: I have never had a huge appetite, but in my teenage years I started eating less and less and obsessing more over being as lean as possible. I lost around 5 lbs when I started university and, with my build, it showed. She mentioned this in relation to my attraction to fat girls. (a relation she thought was very strange indeed) I never explicitly told her about this, (especially because she herself is not fat, but has similar body-image issues) but it came to light after I grabbed her stomach one time too many while making out.
I'm currently on winter break, and I've had time to think about this. What is it that attracts me to fat women? Is it invariably tied to my own body-image issues? If I fear being fat so much, why am I filled with carnal rage every time I see the sinuous outline of pudge tucked tightly into Luluemon pants?
Will I ever be able to get over this, and win back the love of my life, to the crooning of a John Carpenter-esque soundtrack?
Has anyone here had similar experiences with body dysmorphia or disordered eating and feedism?
I recently broke up with a girl whom I had been dating since high school, the principle cause of this being the fact that I couldn't have sex with her, which, among other things, I attribute to this attraction. Before we broke up, she said that she thought I have an eating disorder. There is some truth to this: I have never had a huge appetite, but in my teenage years I started eating less and less and obsessing more over being as lean as possible. I lost around 5 lbs when I started university and, with my build, it showed. She mentioned this in relation to my attraction to fat girls. (a relation she thought was very strange indeed) I never explicitly told her about this, (especially because she herself is not fat, but has similar body-image issues) but it came to light after I grabbed her stomach one time too many while making out.
I'm currently on winter break, and I've had time to think about this. What is it that attracts me to fat women? Is it invariably tied to my own body-image issues? If I fear being fat so much, why am I filled with carnal rage every time I see the sinuous outline of pudge tucked tightly into Luluemon pants?
Will I ever be able to get over this, and win back the love of my life, to the crooning of a John Carpenter-esque soundtrack?
Has anyone here had similar experiences with body dysmorphia or disordered eating and feedism?