So im writing a story after years of reading them
the other day I posted a few paragraphs on the StufferDB discord, and I will include the commentary and my replies to it in this post.
My goal here is trying to cast a broad net for engagement to create a mini forum on writing this story.
I want to emphasize that THIS IS A DRAFT. Commentary on overall direction, style and the like is more appreciated than "grammar" comments (they don't bother me, I'm not sensitive about it or anything haha). Although if anyone cares to make a specific grammatical revision - sahweet! I feel like I don't use enough semi-colons and I misuse hyphens.
So here's the first few paragraphs:
She had always been a fat girl. A fat girl constantly at war with her body, with the trenches of battle pushing back and forth as she periodically struggled to lose weight, and struggled with how quickly and easily she would gain it back- often not simply gaining it back, but exceeding the last peak weight she had attempted to “slim” down from. Slim however was a generous word, since her teenage years she had rarely dropped below 200, and never significantly below 200.
The reasons for her inability to successfully slim down were myriad. A distaste for physical activity, a love of sweets, and some mental disconnects regarding the outcome of gluttonous behavior were the initial causes, but those reasons, just like the inches on her waistline, would be added to as time went on.
“one pound of rainbow cookies please!”. She watched as her delicious treats were added into the white paper box on the scale, then as the clerk was about to tie the box up, XXX interrupted “don't wrap it, I'm going to have one on the way home”. The clerk began to oblige as “Sorry, changed my mind again. Wrap the box. I'll just take two cannoli on top”. XXX stomach rumbled intensely. “I know. You'll get something in just a second. You haven't had anything all day, you can wait a moment more” she thought.
Waiting to cross the street, she devoured the first pastry. “My god. These are so fucking good. I could literally eat these all day. It's a good thing the bakery is only across the street”
Walking into her building she noticed an amazon package for her. “shit. No hands free” she said aloud. XXX took a large bite of the second cannoli, barely chewing before swallowing, feeling with relief as the heavy pastry dropped into her still screaming empty stomach. Cramming the rest of it into her mouth, she placed her box of pastries on top of the package and stepped into her elevator. By time the elevator opened on the second floor, her tongue was hunting around her mouth looking for anything remaining.
Back in her apartment she struggled to unbutton her jeans. Sucking in and pulling her jeans up as high as they could towards her slightly narrower waist/upper belly she managed to open them. “wooo, those are TIGHT! I might have been a little premature in trying to wear size eighteens” Taking the pants the rest of the way off proved to be much more of a challenge. Recalling how difficult it had been to pull the jeans on over her thick thighs, pulling the stretched material off was a great deal more cumbersome. “Jeez, I need someone to pull at the bottoms while I lay on my back. The size 20 was a little in the thighs but I had room in the waistband. Maybe in not so plus size jeans they give you less room around the middle 'cause they expect you have SO much on there.” Tossing the jeans onto a pile, she thought how convenient it was that she had such a variety of sizes on hand. “whatever. I can just wear the 20s till I can fit the 18s”
She looked at herself in the mirror. A short white girl, grey blue eyed with dirty blond hair. While her entire body was quite plump, her 5'3”frame would most closely be described as apple shaped. Since her most recent weight loss her belly had shrank considerably, putting it closer in proportion to her thighs and fat ass. Grabbing the bottom of her belly, she jiggled it contemplatively, picking it up high to see the waistband of her panties while turning side to side, viewing how the fabric spanned across her hips to scoop around the curve of her ass below her lower back. “I kinda love having a 'fat ass' but I wish it weren't sitting on top of such big thighs” With a pudgy finger, she pulled at the elastic biting around her thigh before going back to cupping her hand in front of her and letting her belly pool in them. “at least this gut doesn't hide my ass like it does the front of my panties.” Thinking about at her largest, how far over her thighs her gut spilled and how her love handles oozed over and around her underwear making it difficult to discern if she was even wearing any.
