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The sacred and the profane - the different desires of the heart and the cock in an FA
Anonymous
Sun 03 Dec 2023 06:07:01
29e76c
US
No.40364 Original
Wanted to rant on something that's been agonizing me internally recently, and something I'm sure may be relatable to some of you.
Part of being as FA is reconciling with the fact that your sexual desires limits the potential partners you may have. At the end of the day, no matter how smart, funny or interesting a girl may be, there's a baseline level of fatness that is needed for sexual satisfaction. Is she ain't fat, then she's wack. Thankfully, in our modern world there's no shortage of fatties. But recently I've felt an incongruence in my sexuality, after developing a bit of a crush on a platonic friend. She's funny, cute, intelligent, and a consistent joy to be around - but she's a bit on the smaller side. I'm left with an aching divide inside on how to reconcile these two feelings of wanting her, but knowing sexually I may be unsatisfied.
Now with this girl, nothing is gonna come from it, I have no plans to pursue it, as I'm planning on moving soon anyways, and I don't want to jeopordize a friendship. But regardless I've felt this schism before, and it's a frusturating part about being a FA - feeling attraction towards a girl mentally and emotionally, but knowing that the FA part of the brain will be left wanting if anything were to come from pursuing her.
With this girl in particular, I had tried hooking up when initially getting to know her, but when it was time to actually have sex her skinniness made me unable to perform. I still don't know if it was nerves, alcohol, or purely being an FA that made me not perform, but every instance of sex since then with a proper fat girl I've had no issues, even when feeling less mentally attracted to the girl. That lack of a hookup with the friend while still mutually having a good time led to the friendship, so it was okay in the end. And she's put on around 40 pounds in the meantime so she has thickened up considerably since then, but still I'm left usure of if she's "fat enough". Still not a BBW by any means, but a bit chubby. Which is a unpleasant aspect of being an FA that normies don't have to worry about - wondering if someone is obese enough to find attractive in sex. It's shallow and fetishistic, and I want to be able to have and enjoy sex with all kinds of women, not only ones that are of a certain weight range.
Also, what has especially accentuated this feeling of frusturation was a recent breakup i've gone through with a BBW I was dating for several months. Her body was fantastic. 5'7, 280lbs, huge tits and a big soft belly. I loved the sex so much I tried hard to convince myself I actually felt a sense of love and true attraction to her even though deep down I knew I didnt. I didn't truly find her interesting, or witty or beautiful internally - we just weren't truly compatible outside the bedroom. Eventually it lef to some bitterness before I finally ended things. And I must admit, some of what turned me off of her her were aspects common to being a fat person that i don't like, despite being an FA. I didnt like she was terribly slow at hiking. She was lazy and often didn't want to leave the couch. Not a huge appreciation for nature. Dressed sloveny with the oversized t shirts hiding any curves. Now obviously not all fat women share these qualities, but i think these are pretty common for a lot of fat women. And let's be totally honest - if a girl is a real go-getter, intelligent, on top of it person, they're not often gonna let themselves get to 300 pounds. Exceptions apply ofc. Previous fat girlfriends and flings have been more compatible then her, but have shared some of those qualities.
So now I'm single again and reconciling with this nagging crush I've developed on a friend who is a bit too skinny. She has many character qualities I realize I need for a meaningful relationship, ones I didn't find in my last relationship, but lacks a fat body. Which feels silly to have as a negative qualifier. Sometimes I try to convince myself that the fetishitstic needs are unimportant, and that if I only cut out all porn or fantasizing or thinking about fat women then I could have a relationship with a smaller woman. But this is suppressive, and the moment I think about a slapping a big fat ass or grabbing some belly rolls, that idea this is unimportant goes out the window. This fetish/sexuality/preference feels narrowing to the point of frusturation, in that an ideal girl must be a kindred spirit, funny, intelligent etc. but must also be properly fat.
Have you all encountered this frusturating schism in your desires? This conflict between the heart, mind and the cock? Wanting a woman to fall in love and raise children with, but also be a fat piggy for you.
Part of being as FA is reconciling with the fact that your sexual desires limits the potential partners you may have. At the end of the day, no matter how smart, funny or interesting a girl may be, there's a baseline level of fatness that is needed for sexual satisfaction. Is she ain't fat, then she's wack. Thankfully, in our modern world there's no shortage of fatties. But recently I've felt an incongruence in my sexuality, after developing a bit of a crush on a platonic friend. She's funny, cute, intelligent, and a consistent joy to be around - but she's a bit on the smaller side. I'm left with an aching divide inside on how to reconcile these two feelings of wanting her, but knowing sexually I may be unsatisfied.
Now with this girl, nothing is gonna come from it, I have no plans to pursue it, as I'm planning on moving soon anyways, and I don't want to jeopordize a friendship. But regardless I've felt this schism before, and it's a frusturating part about being a FA - feeling attraction towards a girl mentally and emotionally, but knowing that the FA part of the brain will be left wanting if anything were to come from pursuing her.
With this girl in particular, I had tried hooking up when initially getting to know her, but when it was time to actually have sex her skinniness made me unable to perform. I still don't know if it was nerves, alcohol, or purely being an FA that made me not perform, but every instance of sex since then with a proper fat girl I've had no issues, even when feeling less mentally attracted to the girl. That lack of a hookup with the friend while still mutually having a good time led to the friendship, so it was okay in the end. And she's put on around 40 pounds in the meantime so she has thickened up considerably since then, but still I'm left usure of if she's "fat enough". Still not a BBW by any means, but a bit chubby. Which is a unpleasant aspect of being an FA that normies don't have to worry about - wondering if someone is obese enough to find attractive in sex. It's shallow and fetishistic, and I want to be able to have and enjoy sex with all kinds of women, not only ones that are of a certain weight range.
Also, what has especially accentuated this feeling of frusturation was a recent breakup i've gone through with a BBW I was dating for several months. Her body was fantastic. 5'7, 280lbs, huge tits and a big soft belly. I loved the sex so much I tried hard to convince myself I actually felt a sense of love and true attraction to her even though deep down I knew I didnt. I didn't truly find her interesting, or witty or beautiful internally - we just weren't truly compatible outside the bedroom. Eventually it lef to some bitterness before I finally ended things. And I must admit, some of what turned me off of her her were aspects common to being a fat person that i don't like, despite being an FA. I didnt like she was terribly slow at hiking. She was lazy and often didn't want to leave the couch. Not a huge appreciation for nature. Dressed sloveny with the oversized t shirts hiding any curves. Now obviously not all fat women share these qualities, but i think these are pretty common for a lot of fat women. And let's be totally honest - if a girl is a real go-getter, intelligent, on top of it person, they're not often gonna let themselves get to 300 pounds. Exceptions apply ofc. Previous fat girlfriends and flings have been more compatible then her, but have shared some of those qualities.
So now I'm single again and reconciling with this nagging crush I've developed on a friend who is a bit too skinny. She has many character qualities I realize I need for a meaningful relationship, ones I didn't find in my last relationship, but lacks a fat body. Which feels silly to have as a negative qualifier. Sometimes I try to convince myself that the fetishitstic needs are unimportant, and that if I only cut out all porn or fantasizing or thinking about fat women then I could have a relationship with a smaller woman. But this is suppressive, and the moment I think about a slapping a big fat ass or grabbing some belly rolls, that idea this is unimportant goes out the window. This fetish/sexuality/preference feels narrowing to the point of frusturation, in that an ideal girl must be a kindred spirit, funny, intelligent etc. but must also be properly fat.
Have you all encountered this frusturating schism in your desires? This conflict between the heart, mind and the cock? Wanting a woman to fall in love and raise children with, but also be a fat piggy for you.